Deëscalation tip #29

Leslie Gregory, Portland Peace Team member/trainer and water safety expert: 

Use the same precautionary principle as learning to lifeguard: Approach deëscalation as you would a water rescue: Do not create two victims. Stay safe even as you help another back to safety. 

Deëscalation tip #28

No judgment, much empathy. A person who is escalated often feels shamed or disrespected. Seeming judgmental can heighten that sense of feeling violated and dismissed. Inquiring with empathy does not equal agreement or support of destructive action. Instead, it simply shows a willingness to hear the reasoning behind the reactions of the escalated person.

Deëscalation tip #27

More and more, many who work to deëscalate conflict are proposing ways to "predeëscalate." How do we change the conditions so that escalation is less frequent, or less intense? How do we anticipate the possible escalatory situations and get ahead of that dangerous curve? Initiating community conversations can help, especially if the invitation to do so includes groundrules that comfort others who are wary and weary of biting, bitter exhanges. This sort of work is happening intentionally now, with organizations such as Braver Angels, a network of local groups devoted to community well being through depolarizing dialog. 

We can do this. We can get our culture back. We can return to disagreement without being disagreeable. It takes involvement by good-hearted, sincere people determined to overcome the dangerous allure of hate and objectification. 

Deëscalation tip #26

When an escalated individual is in a crowded space, one person should attempt to deëscalate while another clears an exit path for the person. If a person suddenly decides "enough!" and turns to leave, only to be blocked by the crowd, that is a situation that can lead straight back to escalated emotions and actions. 

That is sometimes when you can see a weapon appear as the person boomerangs from the tentative deëscalated state back to even more elevated escalatory behaviors. A line of sight to the exit (the door or a far less crowded area) is the job of the second member of a peace team--whether that's an official peace team or a simple ad hoc momentary collaboration. 

We were taught this by the late Genny Nelson, founder of Sisters of the Road Cafe, a place for street people to eat a cheap nourishing meal, and a place frequently extremely crowded. Genny reminds me of the best eulogy I've ever read--that of Philip Noel-Baker made for Gandhi: "His greatest achievements are yet to come." Genny changed street culture in Portland and she planted the seeds of nonviolence that can still sprout and flourish. 

Deëscalation tip #25

Don't make the escalated person feel ganged up on. One person at a time should be in contact with the escalated individual. One other may be there, silent, looking unimposing, looking interested but quiet, a bit further away. Surrounding an escalated person, even with silent members, can escalate the person. With enough such surrounded attention, the lone escalated person may lose ratioanal abilities, even without any spoken content. This can lead to irrational action, fatal under some unfortunate circumstances. 

Deëscalation tip #24

Be aware of your body language if you hope to deëscalate someone. Avoid direct facing, try not to stand with arms folded in a domineer fashion across your chest, keep hands open and visible, and even try to avoid sunglasses or any other appearance of stealth, dominance, or imperiousness. Smile gently. Look like you are listening.

Deëscalation tip #23

Deëscalation experts remind us to be aware of the "amygdala hijack," that is, the sudden dominance of the most primitive part of our brain when we feel suddenly threatened. It perhaps allows us to instantly avoid a mortal threat, such as an obviously enraged man suddenly lunging at us with a knife, but it can also shut down our prefrontal cortex, the portion of our brain most recently evolved into a logical, complex analytical human executive area. When we evade and avoid that amygdala hijack we can help others do the same. As always, deëscalating anyone else is accomplished by first deëscalating ourselves.